and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
