yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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