Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
jump out the window naked night went bad
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
