He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We're too hungover to prance.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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