Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
