I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
