I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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