im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
