well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
