so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Pants are for mortals
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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