Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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