I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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