My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it because I queefed?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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