Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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