That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
