I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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