im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
