Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
