I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
