ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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