you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
