your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
