Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
