so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
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all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize