Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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