well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
