Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
