Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
