i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
