At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
