I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
