i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
