My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
