She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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