I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
