Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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