im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
