Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize