i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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