I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
