I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
