oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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