why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
