hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
