we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
