Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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