I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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