You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
