Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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