the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
my liver is dry heaving
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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