I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
