Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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