He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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