I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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