We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The struggles of a small town man whore
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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