We're facebook friends in real life
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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