I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
