i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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