you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
