you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
