Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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