i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
