so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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