I wish I could teleport
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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