Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
