she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
