Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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