I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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