Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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