Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
